Renegade

Go to the Disability Services Office! A short reflection on advocating vs. not.

You were gonna leave me behind, didn’t even blink an eye.

I had to kick, scream, and cry to get you to see me.  

It’s a full time job on top of a full time job; navigating the healthcare system, advocating for myself, navigating the disability services system. If I don’t speak up, no one knows. If I don’t do this, you’ll continue on without me. It doesn’t impact you, you could care less. I’m the one who has to fight to be in this social space - negotiate, back to back appointments, updating forms, paperwork, accommodations, making sure all departments are in communication with one another. The job never ends, I’m the one who has to do this just so that I can participate, just so that I can join in. This is my experience, every day, along with my disability which is embodied - in my body. There is no 9am-5pm, go home, turn it off. This is my life. 

I’m exhausted.

*The first couple lines were to society in general. 

The other section was written in response to a school administrator who told me to reach out to Disability Services. Although he meant well, what he didn’t realize is that I’m more aware than any of them what I lose if I don’t advocate for myself. I’m doing all of the above so that I can be in the classroom and it’s a testimony to my desire to be there. No one cares more than me. And him telling me to go to the DS office felt like it really downsized all the work I put in and I felt like “who are you to tell me this, I have to do this to be here.” And of course, I do reach out to the DS office months before I’m even supposed to. I took it defensively at the time and didn't really need to because he was obviously trying to connect me to resources. Yet I still needed to give voice to the moment in time through this reflection.